12:34

So I don’t say good bye this time

Because in the act of doing so

Is the urge in me again

To keep whatever this was,

Who ever we are to each other,

Alive.

I write and erase and write and erase the sentences

Yearning to hit send.

To finally say the long overdue thank you’s

For the first and last time

How you truly have saved my life for so many nights

Letting me stumble into your arms.

But I know you won’t reply.

Opening our messages over and over again

Hoping for the feeling of my worried eyes to read

Over just a ‘last seen’

Or to be on ‘read.’

As the days turns into weeks and into months.

Today, told myself never mind

It’s best, better left unsaid.

I put out uncertainty into the universe

Unknowingly masked it as what I thought were intentions

So, here I’ll make a home for the words -

i’m sorry and thank you

That bled out, to dry in this book.

Delete your number and

Let you live your life

As some supervisor for a big corporation

And I play pretend,

A poet perhaps for now

To accept I am where I should be.

At the end.

No longer lying to myself

That we can keep each other as friends.