last heartbreak of the year.

My mom is over - spending the weekend.
She’s the good kind of noise in the morning.
When she’s brewing whatever herbal tea she feels like concocting -
So the kitchen smells of lemongrass and lemons.

Through the steams,

In her soft stream of warm words, like any mother who knows best, she slips in the few minutes of lectures on any and every aspect of life she feels needed to be reassured.

40 years into her life she’s finally able to comfortably say ‘no.’

Start now.
Start forgiving yourself when things don’t work out.
Start easy.
Stop being so punishing on yourself.

-

The stitches ripped
The night I called you
Over the phone
Begging you to stay.

Again.

Flooded the lines
And you had nothing to say.

Heart break should be a reality check to both persons.
Yet for you it didn’t strike a blow.

So, I shut my phone off
Because I know I’ll reach out
By the smallest of conveniences.

I won’t give you access to me.

-

It is 3am.
Woke up from a dream of you.
A knock at the front door.
Perhaps you sent the winds to whisper
How am I?
When I didn’t reply to your messages.

-

My mom called me shortly afterwards that night.
Said I need to stop crying to someone who doesn’t deserve my growth.
We’ve known it from the beginning.
That if you loved us,
You would have listened and shared the heart break.

-

Every bad person deserves to know some kind of good but we don’t have to provide it for them.

-

My mother for who she is then, sprinkles in the one question she asks every time we talk.

”Are you seeing anyone? When will you bring someone home? When are you getting married.”

Hahaha.

Happy New Year’s everyone. :)